Day 147: twenty one weeks

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The mom visit is half done.

Looking forward to a quiet holiday weekend with just my girl and my projects and my aged puppies (13 and 11).

Read a two year sober celebration post yesterday. It was filled with pure joy – very inspiring.

I feel like I can’t relax enough this week without my alone time and therefore can’t pull together any meaningful thoughts to share.

Anyway, no drinking going on here (by me).

Happy Sober Tuesday,

jen

 

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Day 146: train your mind

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In an effort to be my mostly positive self, I thought it would be helpful for me to look for some things that I genuinely appreciate about my mom.

She…

does not criticize me.

is generous when it comes to the big stuff (like helping kids with college).

encourages me when I want to do things I might feel guilty about (like naps).

does not put a lot of demands on me.

tries to be helpful.

 

Happy Sober Monday,

jen

Day 145: seeking serenity

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This is my first visit with my mom since I quit drinking. She lives in another state, so we don’t see each other much, especially in the winter.

We have never been close. I’m not sure exactly why. It goes way back into my childhood. I can remember being as young as four or five and wanting to be with my dad and not my mom. She exudes a lot of negative emotion. And there were times in my teens and twenties when I made attempts at changing the nature of our relationship, but she somehow wasn’t able to respond in any meaningful way. And now, twenty years later, I feel  somewhat detached from her, and a little angry.

There’s more to it, of course, mostly related to differing word views and opposing personality traits. I feel a lot of resentment around how she chooses to respond to life in general.

And yet, despite all of these things, I feel like she is a part of me. We are bonded, whether I find it to be an enjoyable experience or not.

And now she’s here in my house, drinking scotch and then wine, like always. She’s the only one drinking yet doesn’t even seem to notice. But I guess it’s fine.  I’ve had my dessert and am looking forward to bed.

Happy Sober Sunday,

jen

 

 

 

Day 143: grumpy cat

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Ok, so my mood has been actually quite good for most of today, but… my mom is coming to visit tomorrow… and staying for a week.

She will be overly cheerful in the morning (when I prefer quiet) and overly negative in the evening (when I most need optimism). And in between she will alternate between being bored and being angry at one or both of my dogs. Oh yeah, and she will be drinking.

Sigh.

And did I mention the dear husband will be out of town for three days for work? There goes my buffer.

Double sigh.

This too shall pass. And of course, I will do my best to try to make it a mostly positive experience.

Happy Sober Friday,

jen

Day 141: pouting and sulking, just a little

41B5A0F2-3C2A-4455-93E1-92AFA4AB353FYes, life goes on, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a little sad sometimes, right? Right.

I remember feeling like this occasionally in the days leading up to my quit date, knowing full well what I was about to do. But I was still absolutely determined to go through with it.

Once I did quit, I shut even that little bit of sadness down and focused on appreciating the benefits of sobriety. This was crucial for me in the beginning.

And now I’ve let a little sadness back in. But I don’t think it will get much worse. I just want to pout and sulk a bit, just for a while.

Even writing this, I can feel my mood lifting slightly.

Happy Sober Wednesday,

jen