At this point I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of moderation. And I’m tired of waking up to replay the last moments before bed to see how much or how little I remember. Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. Waking up feeling sick, ashamed, afraid and thinking I’m slowly killing myself with this abuse to my body. Yet every day at 4:00 I start thinking about wine, looking forward to it. It’s not logical, but there you go. That loop is the reason to quit.