T-12: Support

I know for sure I will drink before the end of 100 days if I rely solely on my own willpower. With willpower alone, I’m only good for a day or two of sobriety, to be honest. But add in some accountability measures and I can go for months, maybe years, maybe forever. I know this is true because I did it before and I got to a very peaceful place.

Yesterday I invested, literally, in sober support by purchasing Belle’s sober jumpstart class. I’ll be emailing her daily to report that I’m sober and to reach out during the hard days.

I’m also planning to continue bogging daily, so thanks in advance to all of you for reading. Even without comments, I can see that people from all over the world are watching each day and that will help me stay on track.

What else? Every two days I’ll be rewarding myself with a treat – shiny things, things that smell good, things that taste amazing. 🙂 I am looking forward to this part!

I have family support too, but I learned the last time around that those relationships are complicated and I do better at home when I get my support from outside. My husband is wonderful, but he doesn’t understand The Voice and the power it has. I think he wants to understand but just can’t because he’s wired differently when it comes to alcohol. He will drink a beer or two in a restaurant and come home to drink soda even though the fridge is fully stocked. I watch with wonder every time he does this strange thing. 🙂

My darling 15 year old daughter is very happy I’m going to quit again. She said to me yesterday about my decision to start drinking again last year – you got free and then gave it up because you thought you could control it. She shook her head at me and I shook my head along with her. My baby is wise beyond her years.

Does it sound like I’m ready? Yes, I’m pretty ready. I’m scared too. And sad. But also proud of my decision.

 

3 thoughts on “T-12: Support

  1. Have you thought about AA? It was the only way I could manage, willpower got me 16 days at my longest and I was miserable! Accountability helps, my friends believed in me until I could believe in myself, and I didn’t want to let them down. I found keeping my strongest memory in relation to alcohol something negative – my last drink and how chaotic everything became after. That reminds me I can’t manage alcohol. Keeping it out of the house is great too! It adds another defence against that one drink.
    For me, AA was a bunch of strangers who understood my thoughts and feelings, and taught me how to cope with them and I started from there. And it gave me something else to focus on!
    You sound ready and you SHOULD be proud, you’re amazing for making that choice!! X

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  2. You mention being scared…and sad. So very true. I was so scared when I was getting ready for my 100 days, I even delayed reading the final chapters of Jason Vales book until I knew I was good and ready to take action. Now during this journey many times I have felt wistful and sad. Usually around 5 pm too. I will sigh and move on, or crack open a ginger beer or other wholesome beverage. Those feelings are getting briefer though—and not every day. Plus, it just seems like life is busier and brighter with little time for “wine time” and the weariness it brings.

    Liked by 1 person

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