T-5: Two Selves

Inside my head is a weird place these days. My one self is planning my new sober life, looking forward to it, feeling committed. My other self is The Voice which is quiet if I give it wine and since I can’t deal with my mom and The Voice at the same time, wine it is. And every time I drink, my first self says – yep, this is why you need to quit.

Can’t wait to get some sober momentum and shut that Voice up.

One thought on “T-5: Two Selves

  1. I really get this. I have a complicated relationship with my mom too.
    How twisted is this: I would drink a glass of wine before the regular evening phone check-ins with my elderly mom so I didn’t have to endure her sometimes alcohol filled slurring voice, and so I could make myself be friendly to her and not be angry about her drinking. Trying to “quiet the Voice” inside me by giving it wine as you said.
    Oh my!!!! Family of origin dynamics are soooo tricksy, yes?
    In my sobriety, I have given myself permission to be angry and frustrated with my mom. I try to be calm and responsive rather than reactive during the phone calls, but sit quietly and allow the feelings to flow through after. Try to allow that I don’t have to change myself or her. Just allow it to be what it Is. And establish good boundaries.
    I am finding that I am calmer these days. I still have my feelings and they are sometimes hard. But by allowing it to just be what it is, caring for myself by creating good boundaries and sticking to them, and by working on living an awake sober life for myself I am experiencing more moments of peace. Even, occasionally, during and after the evening phone check ins.
    Take care on the rest of your vacation time and hang in there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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