Day Four: Honesty

I’m reading “Unwasted, My Lush Sobriety” by Sacha Scoblic and she talks about how reflexive lying became when she was drinking. She says becoming more honest and direct was one of the results of her sobriety.

In an earlier post I wrote about keeping secrets but I wasn’t really thinking of myself as a liar exactly. Sins of omission, yes, but not outright lies. Well usually.

Then today my teenage daughter asked me how the not drinking wine was going and I said “fine.”  She answered with a surprised “really?!” And I thought to myself – well no not really. It totally sucks actually.

Huh.

Now I’m wondering how often I do this, gloss over my feelings, downplay things. Cover.

I hid lots of hangovers for sure with “fine.” I had a rule to never complain about a hangover unless my husband had one too, so once or twice a year I let loose and admitted to feeling like crap. The rest of the time I would only admit to being a little tired. Or maybe I would say I thought I had one more glass than I should have.

Is pretending a lie? Pretending to remember things I didn’t. Pretending to feel great when I didn’t. Pretending to be happy about something when I wasn’t.

Last year when I quit I gave myself permission to say no more often, to complain about things I wouldn’t have before. I remember thinking – well if I can’t have wine, then why should I put up with this?

Hmmm… lots to think about.

2 thoughts on “Day Four: Honesty

  1. Have you ever read the AA big book?
    It’s very interesting and full of familiar stories. Although I never really used AA as my path, I read everything.
    One important aspect of sobriety is rigorous honesty.
    I used to tell many little white lies. They hurt no one.
    But I always felt full of fear and guilt, like some day I would be caught.
    It’s so freeing to just be honest, say no, stop saying fine.

    Hugs. You are doing great. Tell your daughter you need a hug. It always helps!

    Anne

    Like

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