Day Six: Different

I’ve been thinking about how this first week sober is different from the last time.

When I quit in 2016, I did it to see what life without alcohol would be like. I knew I drank more than I should, but I was really quitting as a sort of experiment, to see how my life might be different. I committed to 100 days and that seemed hard and scary, but I didn’t know what I would do after the 100 days were up. For these reasons the first week was exciting, in a new project sort of way. I didn’t struggle much until later.

This time I feel a sense of resignation about it. I know this is what I need to do. I’m less anxious about things because I know what to expect. I know I can socialize sober, eat out, etc because I’ve done it before. I know which situations will make me feel crappy, but I also know how awesome sober weekends are once this first hard bit is over.

I think the importance of the shiny wineglass in the sun is an illusion and I’m hopeful that eventually I will know it is.

2 thoughts on “Day Six: Different

  1. It’s true. The beginning of change can be exciting. It’s when it becomes routine that we struggle.
    I think that’s when I started considering recovery as a learning process. I started reading a lot.
    Hugs. Day 6! Yay!


    Liked by 1 person

  2. “A sense of resignation. I know this is what I need to do.”
    I remember feeling that way too. It felt a bit like relief, like a spaciousness opening up inside of me.
    It felt a bit like grief, like my heart was cracking open.
    It is different when you know it’s for real. It’s for good this time. It does become less like a “project” and more like living and that is so incredibly freeing. Joy and sadness at the same exact time.
    Glad you have your past experience to reflect from. Sounds like it’s helping you move forward with confidence.
    Day 6 for you! HOORAY!

    Liked by 1 person

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