I’ve been thinking about how this first week sober is different from the last time.
When I quit in 2016, I did it to see what life without alcohol would be like. I knew I drank more than I should, but I was really quitting as a sort of experiment, to see how my life might be different. I committed to 100 days and that seemed hard and scary, but I didn’t know what I would do after the 100 days were up. For these reasons the first week was exciting, in a new project sort of way. I didn’t struggle much until later.
This time I feel a sense of resignation about it. I know this is what I need to do. I’m less anxious about things because I know what to expect. I know I can socialize sober, eat out, etc because I’ve done it before. I know which situations will make me feel crappy, but I also know how awesome sober weekends are once this first hard bit is over.
I think the importance of the shiny wineglass in the sun is an illusion and I’m hopeful that eventually I will know it is.