Day 16: Mom

I talked with my mom on the phone tonight on my way home from work. She wanted to let me know that she and her sister were both out of scotch so they had to drink wine instead and oh my it was rough. She even went on to tell me exactly how much wine she had and how she was feeling. No, she doesn’t know I’m not drinking. Although to be honest, I don’t think that would have made any difference. Let’s just say she’s not the most sensitive person in the world.

My relationship with my mom has never been great. I’ve always envied women who have close and loving relationships with their moms. My mom is a negative and judgmental person. She gets angry easily and is quick to place blame. I’m lucky in that she usually doesn’t get angry with me, but she likes to complain to me and it’s very draining. I almost always think she’s being ridiculous, but I can never convince her of that.

As you probably guessed, my mom is a daily drinker. And she’s pretty good at it. My husband once asked me why I don’t drink the way she does. She starts drinking every evening like clockwork and seems to stop when she should. And she manages to stay out of trouble, gets up early every day, never naps, etc. I have no idea how she has managed it for all these years. In fact, watching her and my dad and their friends while growing up is one of the reasons I have always felt I should be able to drink every day.

The good news from all of this is I have put a lot of effort into creating a warm and loving relationship with my daughter. She is one of my favorite people on this earth and I love spending time with her. And she tells me often how lucky she feels that we have this bond.

And she hates my drinking and is happy to see me quit.

So life is never perfect, but there is always something good to focus on if you remember to look for it. 🙂

 

4 thoughts on “Day 16: Mom

  1. Great topic. My mom has been my biggest naysayer along my sober journey. I think she just wants a buddy while she’s drinking wine, and for sooooooooo many years I was her buddy. My mom is 84, cute as a button and not a big drinker. I love her to pieces but she is a pistol!!!! She thinks I’m nuts, declares loudly how I’m “no fun” anymore, and keeps asking when I’m going to get off the wagon. Sigh. Family!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Family dynamics make life so interesting don’t they?
    You mentioned you have not shared with your mom about not drinking. I think it is a very astute decision to keep that to yourself for now. It sounds like you are sharing with people who are capable of supporting your journey and holding you in respect and love around it. I am sure your mom loves you in her way, but sometimes the jangly dynamics of a relationship can create strife where it doesn’t need to be, and where it would hinder progress and growth.
    I have a challenging relationship with my mom too. I have also chosen, very deliberately, not to share my non-drinking journey with her for the time being. I have been frequently grateful to have kept this area of my life private from her. I appreciate the support from those, including my daughter, who I know will safeguard this part of my life.
    I am celebrating you for 16 days, for a loving relationship with your daughter, and for wise insights which are supporting you on this journey.
    Hugs,
    Deb

    Liked by 1 person

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