Today I’m reflecting on things I would have done this weekend. If I were still drinking. And taking a look at a reality I used to ignore.
Friday night there was a family gathering. We ate pizza and hung out. A brother and wife were visiting from out of town. On the way there, we stopped at a liquor store because my husband wanted to drink a particular flavor of beer.
I would have gotten a bottle of red while we were there.
When we got there, I was offered wine, said no thanks I’m not drinking, and proceeded to make a show of pulling my byobs out of my purse – bottles of ginger soda, a special tea mug, tea in a jar, slippers, etc and everybody laughed.
I would have said, no thanks I brought my own and poured myself a big glass of red.
I spent quite a bit of time observing everyone’s drinking that night. One drank something in a glass that I think was Mountain Dew. Another had coffee. My husband drank his beer, maybe two or three. One sister had beer (one?) and another had Diet Coke. The only wine drinker was my mother in law. She sat next to my husband and talked just a bit too loudly while he made faces.
I would have been on the other side, probably talking a bit too loudly too.
Where was all the drinking and merriment I had worried all day about missing out on? Why were people drinking coffee and soda? Doesn’t everybody use Friday as an excuse to drink?
I would have been conspicuously drinking wine, probably too much wine.
The pizza took forever to get there and we were all starving by the time it finally arrived.
I would have been worried about the wine drinking on an empty stomach. And rightfully so.
We all went home early. When we got home, I read a book in bed.
I would have had another glass of wine in bed.
I woke up the next morning with a clear conscience. And nobody was annoyed with me about anything. And I knew that for sure.
I would have woken up trying to remember for sure what happened once we got home, eyeing my husband to see what his mood was, trying to gauge whether or not I had done or said anything regrettable.
Really? Would I really have drunk too much at an event where hardly anyone was drinking much of anything?
I think I probably would have.