Day 69: When they just don’t get it.

Pretty much no one in my everyday life truly understands my issues around alcohol.

The husband: says he doesn’t care whether I drink or don’t drink but gets mad when I over drink. When I explain that I don’t intend to over drink, he says he understands, but I don’t think he really does. And when I talk about benefits of being sober, he looks at me with what appears to be sympathy, like I’m trying to make the best of my sorry situation.

I am not looking for pity.

The son: views my abstinence as an interesting challenge and wants to play along. So he has given up soda. But when he sees my sober books and such, he wonders allowed about this new obsession.

I said I’d rather be obsessed with sobriety than drinking.

The daughter: has a strong reaction anytime the subject comes up. She was angry with me for drinking again after I quit last year. Now she says I’m good at quitting but not good at staying quit. She believes I should not drink ever because I’m “not good at it.”

Of course, she is quite correct.

I know this is exactly why people seek out sober communities like AA. I’m not there yet, but maybe someday. For now, I’m just very grateful to have discovered Belle and the rest of the online sober-verse

 

24-hour Gratitude:

1. an unexpected day off due to snow

2. a lovely afternoon shopping with the daughter yesterday

3. coffee in bed

One Concern:

mounting to-do list of eye/tooth/hair appointments needed (I think we’re up to five and only one is for me)

Happy Sober Monday,

jen

5 thoughts on “Day 69: When they just don’t get it.

  1. Our job is to understand ourselves. So that when others offer their thoughts we know what is true for us and what is not.

    You should read the AA big book. It’s available online. It was eye opening for me. I don’t use the word alcoholic, unless I go to a meeting, But I could not deny just how true the book was for me.

    Until you experience the compulsion of addiction it is very hard to understand. It is not about planning, or willpower or being strong. I believe it’s like OCD. if you tell the hand washer to stop…they will probably tell you they would love to. But they can’t. And we all accept that.

    My daughter doesn’t want me to ever drink again either. I quit when she was 8…but she still remembers me “sleeping” on the couch more often than I would like. It took me a long time to not be hurt and offended by her criticism. Eventually I just had to have great sympathy for the old drinking me. I was suffering and I just didn’t see it.

    Life is better now.

    Hug
    Anne

    Like

    1. Yes. And yes. And yes. My daughter has witnessed some things too and I think she is able to see the truth of things better than my husband for some reason. Maybe because he remembers the old me who had a healthier relationship with alcohol. Or maybe because he doesn’t want it to be true. Or maybe because I hid so much of the truth from him. I don’t know.

      Like

      1. It’s tough. I am somewhat fortunate 5at my husband also is sober, so he understands that side.
        But I don’t think he ever understood how trapped and depressed I had become, how desperately unhappy and sneaky, until I told him. I would have never, ever told him these things before. I’m not sure how we shifted to total honesty…but we did and it has made our life much better. Perhaps it was therapy. We don’t go together, but we both go.

        Even he used to wonder why I would drink on Sundays. I always felt terrible on Monday. But I just couldn’t stop the cycle. He would shake his head.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I like how it works.
        You have to be very open minded. It’s so patriarchal and old fashioned….
        But in the end it’s about ending suffering and finding the common humanity in everyone.

        Tommy Rosen’s Recovery 2.0 is even better. He discussed the 12 steps in a much better way.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s