Day 133: the path to harmony

Those of us who have struggled with addiction of any kind know the disharmony that results when we continually act in opposition to our own wishes.

We feel like traitors of our true selves. And yet every day we struggle to keep our thoughts consistent from the morning when we wake up vowing to change until the afternoon when The Voice comes slithering in and begins to temp us. By evening our true selves have been completely overshadowed by this other addicted version of us. We have lost the battle once more. And we go on to lose this same fight over and over again.

Then we know that our own thoughts are too often our enemies.

Yet somehow there eventually comes a day when we begin to realize that our thoughts won’t change until we first break the cycle by changing our actions. So we grit our teeth, hold the thoughts at bay and take healing steps forward, hour by hour, day by day. We act as if in hopes that with enough time reality will reflect our intentions.

And we also somehow realize that our words have the power to support our actions even while our thoughts are still inconsistent and sometimes traitorous. So we say important words to someone who cares, someone who understands the struggle, and this connection solidifies our intent. And we keep moving forward.

And if we are very fortunate and the timing is right, we eventually discover that we are indeed on the path. Looking forward, into the sun, shadows behind. We can’t see exactly where we are headed, but we sense somehow that our course is true.

Then, after a long while, there even comes a day when we dare to break our forward gaze and look back, ever so quickly, just over one shoulder, and we are relieved to find only our own friendly shadow following along behind.

Happy Sober Day – nineteen weeks for me. ☺️

jen