This is my first visit with my mom since I quit drinking. She lives in another state, so we don’t see each other much, especially in the winter.
We have never been close. I’m not sure exactly why. It goes way back into my childhood. I can remember being as young as four or five and wanting to be with my dad and not my mom. She exudes a lot of negative emotion. And there were times in my teens and twenties when I made attempts at changing the nature of our relationship, but she somehow wasn’t able to respond in any meaningful way. And now, twenty years later, I feel somewhat detached from her, and a little angry.
There’s more to it, of course, mostly related to differing word views and opposing personality traits. I feel a lot of resentment around how she chooses to respond to life in general.
And yet, despite all of these things, I feel like she is a part of me. We are bonded, whether I find it to be an enjoyable experience or not.
And now she’s here in my house, drinking scotch and then wine, like always. She’s the only one drinking yet doesn’t even seem to notice. But I guess it’s fine. I’ve had my dessert and am looking forward to bed.
Happy Sober Sunday,