Day 150: five months

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This has long been my favorite Maya Angelou quote. When I first discovered it, I loved it right away and felt like it defined perfectly what I was striving for in life. And at that time, I felt pretty successful.

And then, not too much later, came The Time Of Struggle. I’m not sure whether or not I liked myself during that time, but I definitely didn’t like some of the things I was doing. And looking back now, there were many more things I shouldn’t have liked but didn’t seem to take note of at the time.

Things like… being in a foul mood every weekend morning…or trying to take a nap amongst the dust bunnies under my desk at work… or accidentally locking my husband and daughter out of the house before going off to bed… I could go on and on. Some things made for funny stories (if told in the right way and in the right company), but when you put too many of those funny stories together, it begins to paint a picture of a pretty sad life, built upon a decade or so of drinking “just a bit too much” just a bit too often.

And now, 150 days sober, I am back to liking most of what I do, and how I do it. And I’m liking the person in the mirror a good part of the time too.

Side Note: If you remember some of my previous Friday posts, you know how difficult Fridays have been for me. Well, that particular struggle has really leveled off lately. Now when I think about going out to dinner on a Friday night, I look forward to the relaxation and good food instead of obsessing over the lack of wine. I can’t say that I don’t miss it, but the emotions around it have definitely dissipated.

And I really enjoy going to bed sober and sleepy. It’s lovely to drift off to sleep the natural way (instead of, you know, passing out with my contacts still in).

Happy Sober Friday,

jen

 

5 thoughts on “Day 150: five months

  1. Congratulations on 150 days, jen!
    I have found that the inner-growth seems more subtle and deep as time goes on.
    At first there were all the big things: happy, hangover-free mornings, good sleep, more energy, and what not.
    I still feel grateful for these every single day, yet over time I am noticing that I have fewer spiky emotional highs and lows, way less anxiety, more quiet joy as an undercurrent – even on hard days.
    I like myself more, and speak more kindly to myself in my head.
    I think you have touched, several times, on some deep truths: being mindful of the small changes over time, practicing patience and compassionate self acceptance, owning that “slow and steady” is absolutely progress is such a healthy, peaceful, less-stressful way to live and grow.
    In sobriety and in life in general.
    Have a lovely weekend, and thanks so much for being here. 🙂
    Deb

    Liked by 2 people

      1. And you for me. It is your blog, so I am mindful of respecting your space and not talking about my journey too specifically, but this is my first year too, and lifelines are indeed crucial.
        I follow several blogs that I love, and participated in an online sober community for awhile, but have felt such a deep resonance with you, your blog, and the way you write.
        Checking in here and knowing you are going through this in tandem has been a tremendous gift.
        🙂

        Like

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