Day 155: pain and boredom

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I have this idea that if I contemplate all the reasons I used to drink, I can figure out what sorts of changes to make in my life to avoid being tempted in the future. No, I’m sure it’s not even remotely realistic to cut out every potential trigger, but maybe an attempt at it will help me build a more satisfying sober life.

For example, a major reason why I drank was to escape boredom, in various forms. Boring people, boring situations, general boredom with the repetitiveness of the day to day living of life. I added alcohol to nearly every situation, and as a result, never felt much boredom.  I suppose because I wasn’t feeling much of anything at all. 🙄

– So I need more projects and adventures. I need novelty. I need to take a more active role in my own day to day living. I need to do more. Complacency and passivity lead to boredom. Boredom leads to old habits around seeking relief. And you know what that means.

– I also need to minimize those boring situations and boring people. This means adding more interesting people and situations to my life. And having boundaries, or at least reasonable excuses, to help me get away without insulting anyone. “I don’t like to stay up late.” Or “I have a project I need to finish.” There will be times when my husband and I should probably take two cars.

Another reason I drank was to soften the rough edges of life, the small pains that can come along in any normal day. I can be a sensitive person. I’m sensitive to noise for sure. And negative emotions in others. And when I’m tired or hungry, just about anything can push me over the edge. – So remembering to watch out for feelings of HALT is important for me. And quietly removing myself from overly-stimulating situations. And setting aside time to be by myself.

This blog has been a big help for me in avoiding both boredom and pain. It allows me to retreat to a quiet space and into my own head and have something creative to work on while I’m there. And thanks to all of you, my writing has an audience and a sense of purpose. 😊

Happy Sober Wednesday,

jen

 

2 thoughts on “Day 155: pain and boredom

  1. I have thought about this a lot over the years.
    I struggled A LOT in the beginning with boredom and doing nothing.
    I often started projects that were overwhelming. And then was disappointed I couldn’t finish them.

    Over time I have realized that learning to just be is a practice, and it is one I desperately needed. Because life cannot always be full of events and activities or else we are exhausted.

    Yoga, meditation, reading, considering different spiritual paths. They have all all helped me find stillness and peace…at least sometimes.

    Being ok alone. With nothing to do or accomplish. It’s very freeing.

    Anne

    Like

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