Day 172: excitement

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In February of this year, right around day 60, I wrote the following email to sobriety coach Belle:

My fear is about the future, that no matter how long I’m sober, there will always be times, here and there, where I feel a loss. At this point, I have a hard time imagining something that will get me excited in the way looking forward to a boozy night used to. That’s sad, but true.

Can you remember how you felt looking forward to drinking? And can you give me an example of something from your sober life that makes you feel excited in the same way?

Today on a blog I saw someone asking something similar to this. And that got me to wondering what I think about it now, more than 100 days later.

Was that excited feeling real excitement or was it just my addicted brain offering up dopamine to ensure the alcohol was truly on the way? Why else would someone be so excited to consume something that’s actually a depressant?

I’m not sure I’ve felt that rush of excitement over anything else. Maybe really good cake? No, not in the same way. A fun weekend on the horizon? Happy feelings of expectation but not with that burst of energy too.

Maybe it comes down to the different sort of fun that goes along with having a more peaceful life in sobriety. (I wrote about this on Day 127: sober fun.)

I’m not sure.

Is there something you get a rush of excitement over in the same way the expectation of alcohol used to provide? I’m curious to know.

Happy Sober Saturday,

jen

 

7 thoughts on “Day 172: excitement

  1. How I feel after a yoga session or a really good workout – different but a serene healthy almost euphoria – different obviously – great part no hangovers, headaches. After the 1 year mark I felt completely happy for no reason at completely unremarkable occasions… also recognizing days/weeks etc. have normal ebbs and flows – ups and downs… normal life feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know what you mean. That feeling of anticipation and excitement for what’s to come. I often got it leaving work on Friday afternoon.
    My husband I and talk about this. That “high” of Friday afternoon is gone. It’s become

    more contentment, at least for me.
    he missed it for quite a while. He still does sometimes. That’s part of the reason we travel so much. He seeks the excitement.

    I find I get it when I do new things. Travelling alone. Driving in a blizzard. Things where I get past me fears and do things that feel freeing.

    We all need to find what makes us joyful. The fleeting anticipation that came before drinking was false and fleeting. I chased it for way too long.

    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I was just thinking about this post today. I’ve had that “excited” feeling all day. First day of summer! School is out! Followed by the familiar, “a glass of chilled wine would be lovely on a gorgeous day like today.” Day dreaming about that wine like a disney movie princess skipping through a forest with the birds chirping thinking about a prince. omg, ugh. What helps me is remembering this is just the dopamine rush. Acknowledge it as just a thought and let it pass through my head. But today has been hard. Today was a day I’ve been wondering if I will always miss the wine. Will I ever find something that gives me the same dopamine high? I sure do hope so. I read a book recently giving tips on how to be happy and positive. One was using pride or an accomplishment to kick in the dopamine response. So every day you find something to be proud of and acknowledging it. Say it out loud, “Yes! I did it!” Writing it down, I am proud of myself. And the smaller accomplishments seem to have a bigger dopamine pay off. So for instance, running a 5k will have a smaller rush, than say, folding and putting a sweater in a drawer. So, sober friends, every single day find something you are proud of and acknowledge it. Feel that rush, feel the pride, get excited and give yourself a high five. (And ainsobriety, I hope you and your family are well. Courage and strength to you.)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand this, but my excitement comes with moving. Biking, waking, golf, I look forward to these.
    My husband and I almost always go for long walks Friday nights.
    Even in winter in Minnesota!
    It’s where we find our happiness!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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