My day one was six months ago today.
I remember feeling afraid of the evening ahead, agitated in advance of missing the wine. I felt scared but not sad. I was looking forward to feeling better, to getting going with a healthier life. I was calling it “another 100 days,” meaning I was going to take another long break from drinking, but I knew deep down I wanted to quit for the duration, maybe forever. I thought it best not to complicate things by dwelling on those sort of thoughts though.
So I made myself a tonic and lime and pushed through that first evening.
And now here I am six months later. Pretty cool.
My thoughts these days revolve around shaping my life in a way that is truly satisfying to me. I’m thinking about boundaries, being honest, the relationships in my life that are positive, and those that could use some work. I’m trying to learn how to support my own self in the same way I would support my husband or one of my kids. With patience and kindness and a fair amount of protectiveness. I’m taking my time, continuing to honor the little turtle and his slow but steady pace.
There is still some worry, occasional sadness, and sometimes irritation with those who drink “normally.” But mostly I feel good, at peace with what I’m doing. I rarely crave that buzzed feeling and usually feel glad to be fresh and clear-headed all. the. time. I thought waking up without a hangover would be my favorite, but it turns out going to bed feeling naturally sleepy is pretty fucking magical too.
And this blog has turned out to be some very tasty icing on an already delicious cake. Thanks to you all for supporting me on this journey.
I’m looking forward to finding out what happens next.
Happy Sober Wednesday,