Day 257: the aftermath of the wedding

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The aftermath? There wasn’t any.

Let’s see…

I didn’t wake up to find my husband on the couch and not know why.

I didn’t rip, stain, or otherwise ruin my dress.

I didn’t flirt inappropriately with anyone.

I didn’t pass out in the car or on the couch or anyplace else.

I didn’t lose my phone or my purse or my dignity.

For better or for worse, I remember the entire night. Did I have a great time? Nope. But I enjoyed the ceremony, the love of the happy couple, the food, and an excuse to dress up. I enjoyed chatting up the bartender in search of a decent nonalcoholic something. (We landed on tonic with lime juice and later a ginger beer.)

Everything else I tolerated at best.

But today was a great day instead of a day of regrets, embarrassment or humiliation. No pretending to feel fine when actually feeling like shit. No pretending to remember things when actually having big gaps of grey or black.

No pretending.

Yes, there are some friends who were disappointed that I didn’t feel like dancing and left at nine o’clock. Yes, I got bored once the “partying” got going. Yes, I was very annoyed with my somewhat obnoxious car-mates. But it turns out that this is the real me. And I’m done apologizing for being me. And I’m super done with using alcohol to try to pretend I’m someone else.

No more pretending.

Happy Sober Sunday,

jen

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “Day 257: the aftermath of the wedding

  1. Very awesome stuff here. On the “real me” topic, one thing I’m noticing, and we will see if it turns out to be an early sobriety thing, a forever sobriety thing, or a something-else related thing, is that I am much more prone to bluntly say (or think), “not interested.” Generally to my partner and generally in response to some certainly-lovely-sounding social event, in a town where I am on record (with him) as wanting more friends. (In home 1 I have plenty of friends; here in home 2 I don’t.) I don’t feel like going and I inconveniently say so. I suspect it may change after more sobriety (lots of things are invisibly recalibrating inside me) and after I finish a huge construction project I have that will result in basically a cabin/workshop all my own out on the edge of some woods. But who knows. For now I’m enjoying that weird bluntness that sometimes results in unexpected social actions, with no apologies. Congratulations on a wedding well done, Jen!!

    Liked by 1 person

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