I’m still processing the rollercoaster weekend.
On the one hand, hanging around a LOT of drinking was a bummer. It made me feel weird, sad, left out, annoyed, envious, old, etc. Mostly I longed for the days when I too was able to happily drink with my friends and hadn’t yet begun to question what it might be doing to my health or my psyche. Those were good days. But I have too go WAY back in my memory banks to find them.
On the other hand, I had a great time at the wedding. In fact, I think I had more fun than I would have if I had been drinking. I know, that sounds like some sort of bullshit, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. 😋 And I’m someone who doesn’t usually believe it when I hear others making similar claims.
I could come up with a laundry list of things that happened that wouldn’t have if I had been drinking, and, of course, things that didn’t happen which most surely would have. But I think it all boils down to a few key points. I had a good time because…
1. I really enjoyed the people I was with.
2. I had complete control over when I would leave.
3. There was enough activity and stimulating conversation that I didn’t get bored.
If I had been drinking, I most likely would have gotten drunk. Surprise! 🙄 Then I would have wanted to leave but not been able to. I wouldn’t have had a car, so I would have either been sent home on the “early” drunk shuttle or have had to stay until the end for the really drunk shuttle. As it was, I stayed later than the early shuttle (because I was enjoying myself) but left before the end (because things were getting a bit weird and I was feeling tired). This control was a really positive and empowering feeling for me.
If I had been drinking, I would have enjoyed the people I was with, but who knows what I might have said or done towards the end of the night. I might have gotten slurry. I might have gotten angry. I might have said or done stupid or inappropriate things. And for sure I would have spent a lot of time the next day trying to remember what did or did not occur.
Does this mean I’m now a recovered wedding-dreader? Nope. Unfortunately, the particular mix of people that created this perfect storm of fun only comes together once in a very blue moon. One person in particular I hadn’t seen in over a decade. And I won’t always have the autonomy I was able to orchestrate this time. But I will try. ☺️
The best news of all – I have no more engaged couples in my life at the moment. So there should be a nice long reprieve from this particular source of worry. 😊
Happy Sober Tuesday,