Day 311: wobbly thoughts

6727704B-60A9-4D41-B4EF-8BB747351191

Read at your own risk. These are somewhat  dark thoughts from a normally positive person. I don’t think them all the time, but here and there. I think writing it out might help chase them away.

My wobbly thoughts go something like this:

I didn’t drink as much as these people. I’m not like them. 

I don’t have as many problems as those people. I’m not like them.

High bottom quitters have a harder time staying quit.

Thinking about how I’m doing/how I’m feeling is boring, exhausting, annoying, too self indulgent. 

I’m tired of writing and have nothing to say. Or maybe I do have things to say but can’t find the energy to figure it out. 

Maybe I’m depressed and that’s why I’m so tired. Is it possible to be depressed and not realize it?

Why can’t I do what my parents did – make some rules and then follow them? 

Surely a year is long enough. 

 

Lots of social events coming up, some I’m looking forward to, some not so much.

Someone recently said about our plans for Christmas- you will have a blast! And I thought,  no I don’t think that’s quite right. I think it’ll be ok. Definitely not a blast. What does it even mean to have a blast? Do sober people even  have them? 

Yep, this sounds like a bit of a rough patch. Good thing it’s just weather.

Happy sober Friday,

jen

 

 

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “Day 311: wobbly thoughts

  1. Keep steady my friend! you are doing just fine. you are enough… you are perfect.. just remember what all the others ahead of us are saying – there are very typical landmarks along this first year of sobriety… places where we doubt this is worth it.. places where we think… enough of this nonsense.. it’s okay. big hugs to you. your posts are very important to me. i love how you pick out quotes to post… always very meaningful… both to you and to each of us. From a fellow traveller, denise

    Like

    1. Thank you denise. 💕 I suffered through the nine month slump at about eight months, so maybe this is the one year wobble arrived a bit early. I will not drink on a whim, so at least I’ve got that safety valve squarely in place. And the blog. This connection means a lot, weird as it is to have friendships in this cyber way. I’m glad my efforts to inspire myself sometimes inspire others too. ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Jen – 3 weeks sober here and I have said each and every one of those things to myself. Here is how I have been responding to my monkey brain thoughts when they come up. (Remember this is me talking to me, not you)

    “Yes, you weren’t as bad as some, but obviously you were bad enough to want to quit – and don’t forget all those cringe worthy things you did while drinking.”

    “Enough of the me, me, me thinking – reach out and do something nice and/or help someone else. Get out of yourself. No more of your poor me pity party crap.”

    “Seriously, you want to drink at the party? Why? Last time you did that you got shit faced, slurred your words, talked way to loud and felt like crap the next day.” “You are missing nothing by not drinking because you don’t drink like others – you inhale booze, not sip on one all night long.”

    “Alcohol does nothing for you, it is slowly killing you, it is evil and has zero benefits.”

    “o.k. so you are feeling down and cranky, yes it’s probably due to the weather (cold and raining here and winter/snow is coming, and every day it gets darker earlier), maybe it’s time to take on a new project – like paint that new bare window frame you had installed 2 months ago that is staring at you daily, or try crocheting those scrubbies that you want to give the kids for Christmas, or get your arse back to the gym and start losing that weight you complain about every day.”

    Anyway, I think you are doing brilliant – hang in there. Sending you big hugs. Happy sober Friday back atcha. Alcohol sucks!! A

    Like

  3. Hi Jen! I definitely had those thoughts! Very normal. Not as often anymore. Holiday events are way overblown in most cases, and I’ve lowered my expectations which makes it easier. I will enjoy most of them. But they are different when hubs and I are the only ones not getting tipsy. So I come early, leave early. I also try to focus on looking cute! Lol! Even in my old age!
    We will have the change in time this weekend! Yikes! Lol
    xo
    Wendy
    PS – not sure you saw, but I had my second implant surgery!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The first Holiday season is hard. I was glad I had sobriety last year, AND the emotional rollercoaster was intense. I was also in the first months so it was edgy for that reason too.
    But it’s a good time for slowing down rather than revving up, I think.
    Giving yourself lots of “permission slips” as Brene would counsel.
    Taking care of your physical self and your emotional self.
    Being really aware that some moments are challenging and that’s OK, but keeping aware and not getting lost in the wave of all the hoopla going on around you.
    Keep posting. Even if it feels hard connection this time of year is, I think, super important.
    Take care,
    Deb

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Keep on keeping on my friend. Your post is very real and I for one appreciate it. I’ve had all those thoughts too, but I’m only at 70 days (this time around). And support comes from unlikely places——like my husband who has continued to drink but reminds me of my WHY when I so need it. One of these days real soon, your contentedness will return and you’ll be so grateful that you hung in there. You are an inspiration to many of us!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s