Day 331: sober Thanksgiving

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On a scale of one to ten, I’d rate my first sober Thanksgiving a two. Sadly. After all this time and many other events I’ve done sober, I thought it would be easier. But my nerves were jangling, I was edgy, angry, sometimes even near tears. I lost my temper with my husband over something stupid and he got mad right back. Last year on Thanksgiving the booze got between us and I shortly decided to give it up. And now this year the not drinking got between us instead. I feel like I can’t win.

Sorry this is so negative. I hope the rest of you had a better day.

jen

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “Day 331: sober Thanksgiving

  1. I’m sorry you had such a sucky Thanksgiving this time around, Jen, and I get what an unpleasant surprise that is after so much good practice at being sober. I know you know this but I’ll say it anyway — the drinking-ruined-Thanksgiving and the not-drinking-ruined-Thanksgiving aren’t on the same scale. Apples and oranges. Two separate events that simply had “it sucked” in common. Sending you a huge YOU GO GIRL!! for a sober Thanksgiving!!

    hugs,
    Adrian

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I do not do well when my mom is present. It’s such a sad thing. It sucked and I didn’t sleep well at all because of everything, but I am glad I didn’t drink any of that red wine. Did I mention it? Holy there was a lot of red wine.

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      1. This may sound weird (I know it’ll sound weird), but there are definitely times when I recognize the mental health benefit of not having my mom around anymore (she died 12 years ago). I do not say this to guilt you into appreciating “that you still have a mom.” I mean it. I’d give a lot to have her back, but her being gone definitely makes my own development/evolution easier. She was a good person, but she brought a fair amount of blindness, fear, emotional repression to the family, which I do not miss. The difficulty that one’s particular mom energy can bring is not to be underestimated.

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      2. Thanks for this. I feel some guilt around not appreciating my mom. I could write pages about how difficult she is, but then I would feel like a terrible person and she would still be difficult, so nothing solved. The energy I feel around her sometimes is palpable and so negative. She would be horrified to know it and helpless to do anything about it because it’s just who she is and how she is. The stress of being around her brings out the worst in me and ironically makes me act like her in a way. Really a horrible cycle.

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  2. This was my 2nd T-Day without. It was easier. Last year was an emotional storm of epic proportions for sure. You’ve done lots of events, but the holidays have a very different flavor. It is also no small thing that your mom is there. That is an emotional trigger for you.
    Be gentle with yourself. Do the things you need to do to get through the weekend. Then plan some really good self-care for the coming week.
    I am really glad for you that you made it through. It must have been so hard with all that red staring you in the face.
    You are a super-hero. Truly. Pat yourself on the back. 🙂
    Hugs to you,
    Deb

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