Day 347: birth days

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One year ago today I wrote my very first blog post, T-20: The countdown begins.  And by coincidence, I wrote that post on my birthday. So today is the anniversary of the birth of this blog and it’s my own personal birthday. The two will be forever intertwined.

When I started out writing, I was looking for an accountability tool, for my 100 day plan. I had no idea I would end up writing every day for a year. I hoped I would quit for longer than 100 days, but I didn’t feel like I could really look that far ahead. Too hard, too scary. Likely to throw me off course.

Tonight we’ll be celebrating in the same restaurant with mostly the same people. I may even end up eating the same type of food. But I will not be drinking the three glasses of wine with dinner, nor the couple glasses more once I get home. And tomorrow morning I’ll get up early, feeling mostly healthy and clearheaded. I’ll remember the entire evening. And I’ll have nothing to feel guilty about (except for maybe my messy house).

Things are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I have no regrets about not drinking. Does anyone ever?

I feel like I’m becoming a more authentic version of me, and, unfortunately, I’m finding that the experience isn’t filled with rainbows and glitter. It’s definitely a work in progress. I guess I’d have to say that a year later I’m feeling physically much healthier and absolutely less afraid/ashamed/secretive. But I do have moments of sadness too, mostly for getting older and feeling less carefree, less excited about things. And some sadness that is free-floating. Maybe a result of the weather.

So we take things a day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Onward. And face the sun if you can.

Happy sober Saturday,

jen

 

8 thoughts on “Day 347: birth days

  1. Happy Birthday jen!
    It is true that growing older and, for sure, wiser 🙂 brings feelings of being, sometimes, less carefree or excited about things in the same ways our younger selves did.
    Yet, I am finding I feel more settled, grounded, peaceful, calm most of the time, and experience a deeper sense of quiet joy more often than i did im my busier youth.
    Sobriety just enhances these lovely emerging qualities and ways of being.
    Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way,
    Deb

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy birthday! Mine is the 8th too. I’m a year older than you though. ☺️ I share your dislike of birthdays, for the same general reasons. Plus I have disliked aging since my 40th. I don’t feel wiser; just older.

      Liked by 1 person

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