I just listened to a guided meditation on Insight Timer. The facilitator spoke of “Letting go with grace” and it reminded me of this post.
I know we have a similar path regarding challenges with our moms.
As a child Christmas was very much about my dad’s drinking. As an adult it has been about my mom’s. She’s into a heavy drinking cycle right now and it hurts.I have chosen to stay in a relationship with her and I strive to practice good boundaries moment by moment, year after year. But it’s still hard.
What I know this year – my second consecutive Christmas season without wine – is that the tough stuff around my mom and all the feelings it brings up is still there. But I am different. I feel deeper peace beneath it all. My upsets aren’t as wild and unfocused as they were when I was drinking. I can find my way back to my breath, or a walk, or a yoga pose, or whatever it takes to be present and allow the storm to pass so the sky of my mind is clear and easeful again. I feel more sure of myself.
I know you are likely feeling some crazy-making moments like this too. I am grateful for your blog. For the emotional honesty of your sharing. For knowing this is a truly human journey with human emotions that we all share and on a deep level understand.
Wishing you peace and the ability to bloom, and let go with grace, even if only for a moment here and there during your time with your mom this holiday.
Deb
Thank you Deb. A beautiful post from a beautiful person. I remember your words of encouragement last year when I was at my mom’s and still drinking. And many times since, especially the roughest days. You’ve been a consistent presence here and I can’t tell you what it’s meant to me.
Days Without Wine 
I just listened to a guided meditation on Insight Timer. The facilitator spoke of “Letting go with grace” and it reminded me of this post.
I know we have a similar path regarding challenges with our moms.
As a child Christmas was very much about my dad’s drinking. As an adult it has been about my mom’s. She’s into a heavy drinking cycle right now and it hurts.I have chosen to stay in a relationship with her and I strive to practice good boundaries moment by moment, year after year. But it’s still hard.
What I know this year – my second consecutive Christmas season without wine – is that the tough stuff around my mom and all the feelings it brings up is still there. But I am different. I feel deeper peace beneath it all. My upsets aren’t as wild and unfocused as they were when I was drinking. I can find my way back to my breath, or a walk, or a yoga pose, or whatever it takes to be present and allow the storm to pass so the sky of my mind is clear and easeful again. I feel more sure of myself.
I know you are likely feeling some crazy-making moments like this too. I am grateful for your blog. For the emotional honesty of your sharing. For knowing this is a truly human journey with human emotions that we all share and on a deep level understand.
Wishing you peace and the ability to bloom, and let go with grace, even if only for a moment here and there during your time with your mom this holiday.
Deb
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Thank you Deb. A beautiful post from a beautiful person. I remember your words of encouragement last year when I was at my mom’s and still drinking. And many times since, especially the roughest days. You’ve been a consistent presence here and I can’t tell you what it’s meant to me.
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Wow Deb what a truly beautiful post 🌸
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