T-18: Reason to quit

At this point I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of moderation. And I’m tired of waking up to replay the last moments before bed to see how much or how little I remember. Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. Waking up feeling sick, ashamed, afraid and thinking I’m slowly killing myself ¬†with this abuse to my body. Yet every day at 4:00 I start thinking about wine, looking forward to it. It’s not logical, but there you go. That loop is the reason to quit.

T-19: Accountability

The more people I tell, the more likely I am to follow through with my plans. So far I’ve told the husband and a couple we’re friends with. I just said I’m going to do a hundred days without wine again and that I’m feeling “toxic” and want to get back to the place where I don’t care about skipping the wine. The friend said how about weekends only and I said no that it doesn’t work. I have to get it totally out of my system. She said that’s what her doctor said about gluten. Yep.