Day 59: Looking forward to…?

I’m the kind of person who enjoys looking forward to things, big things, often way out in the future things.

In my twenties, I looked forward to homeownership and marriage and getting a real job.

In my thirties, I looked forward to babies and then to those babies growing up.

And then, in my forties, I sort of ran out of big things to look forward to. I remember thinking – what’s next? – retirement?

So I looked forward to smaller things – vacations, parties, summer weather. And weekends. All of these events included alcohol and I looked forward to that too.

And then I started to look forward to the alcohol more than the events. I remember thinking – why do we need to go to this thing when we could just as easily drink at home?

Yep.

And then I figured out that the alcohol was wrecking my life. So I gave it up.

But now what? I sometimes struggle to figure out what to look forward to. Weekends are so similar to weekdays. I’m used to the good and the bad of wine-drinking, especially on weekends, and now there is neither. It makes everything sort of flat.

And now when an event appears on the horizon, I begin to question it – is it something I want to do? Or is it something I would have done along with/because of the drinking but not really enjoyed?

I find myself wondering what in the heck to look forward to at all. It’s confusing and a bit depressing.

😦

 

 

3 thoughts on “Day 59: Looking forward to…?

  1. Try some things.
    I never, ever expected to find a love for live music. While drinking I hated crowds and never went to concerts.

    Then, sober, craig asked me to go to vegas with him to see five finger death punch. I had no idea I was going to love them….or become a metal lover. Lol

    Now we travel regularly to concerts and festivals. It’s fun, and our kids even come to some. I find the music inspires and excites me. It’s amazing.

    Give yourself time. Try to be open minded. There’s so many options. Something will interest you.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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