T-6: History

I’ve been trying to remember when things started to go wrong.

I can remember having a conversation with someone at work about how many glasses a night was the “right” amount. He said two. I thought to myself hmmmm but I often drink three. That was about ten years ago. Have I really been questioning my drinking for ten years? A decade? Holy crap.

But I can also remember some pretty questionable drinking behaviors when my daughter was a baby.  That was fifteen years ago. But I didn’t question those behaviors at the time.

And then there was the time I went late to a family gathering because of a hangover, twenty years ago. Another time a family member teased – has there ever been an event when you weren’t hungover? I just laughed it off and she did too.

I guess we drink too much before we start thinking we drink too much.

And can you believe the people in my life were surprised when I quit last year? Most were very surprised. Even my husband was surprised and he’s been with me throughout all of it.

No wonder so many people continue to drink despite negative consequences.

4 thoughts on “T-6: History

  1. When I got my 4 year chip last week I said exactly this.
    I don’t know when drinking stopped helping and turned on me.
    I definitely had fun times drinking…but I also had some scary and dangerous and regretful experiences.

    My friends scoffed at the idea I was quitting. But they don’t live in my head or in my heart. I was just so tired and disappointed.

    I wish I could show you how much life improved without booze. It’s as different as going from living in Black and white to colour.

    It is true freedom. And limitless possibility.



  2. You said so many wise and wonderful things here. We do often begin to think about our drinking long before it really starts to sink in that it might be “for real” that we have a problem. Then, at least for me, down the road a bit it seems totally unbelievable that it happened. How did it come to this?
    I am celebrating 90 days today. Nobody would have thought I had a “problem” either. At first it was hard for me to really own it down deep in my bones because I seemed so OK on the outside. But I knew. I was heart sick and soul weary.
    At first, I just kept holding on to those messages from the “long timers” like Anne in the post above who say it gets easier over time.
    I feel a glimmer of that today. Not just “better” like easier not to drink or be around drinkers and an alcohol saturated culture. But easier to see how it all played out over all those years. Easier to see how it led to where I was when I knew I had to quit. Easier to trust the voice inside me, the deep Knowing that only I could see this for what it was and do what I had to do to be healthy and feel good about myself.
    Your ability to search and read and self reflect will hold you in good stead. Your experience with quitting last year will also give you lots of reflective tools for when you do it this time. You will be OK.
    A blogger, Jean McCarthy, at Unpickled Blog once wrote, “I needed to create some new post cards for myself.” Every new sober experience is like a touchstone for the future.
    Keep being gentle with yourself. Take good care today.

    Liked by 3 people

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