In 2016 I also celebrated 90 days. I thought it would be interesting to see what I wrote on that day. This was in an email to sober coach Belle:
I used to worry a lot about my health because I was drinking most days and it often made me sick. There also was a coworker of mine who we suspected had some serious alcohol issues and she was having trouble with her pancreas and later esophageal cancer and I thought to myself – I’m going to end up like her. but still I kept drinking. I thought my options were keep trying to moderate, try to drink less, try to stop making myself sick, or someday a doctor is going to tell me you have to stop. absolutely stop. and then I would stop. (somehow?) I was very badly struggling with drinking too much and breaking promises to myself and all that. But I had no idea it was possible to be able to stop drinking completely without aa, or without a serious medical condition forcing me to stop. I didn’t know it was possible for people to do that. and here I am, completely stopped. holy crap, thank you. I gave up alcohol without having to humiliate myself at aa or in front of a doctor or have my family come to me and say you have to stop, we’re going to do an intervention. oh my god none of those things happened and here I am 90 days sober. I did it and I’m proud, but I never, ever could have done this without your ideas and supports. I’m so grateful.
If I hadn’t stumbled upon your blog, I would surely still be drinking today. Absolutely. And maybe I wouldn’t have ended up sick or with my family raising alarms. Who knows. It doesn’t matter because my life was becoming a slow river of misery. And now it’s not.
I’m still working out this new sober life thing and I have a ways to go still, but I’ve come far. To be 90 days sober and at peace, not miserable, not angry, is amazing to me. Sometimes I still feel a sadness about giving up wine, but not like in the beginning.
I remember feeling very grateful and happy.
And 83 days later I started drinking again.
Yikes. There’s a cautionary tale for you. I’m sure there will be more posts about this as I inch forward toward the days when (last time) I started to consider another go at moderation.
Happy Sober Monday,