Day 193: let’s call bullshit, shall we?

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Yes, sometimes I feel annoyed and wish things were different for me when it comes to alcohol. I think I’d like to go back to the days when I was oblivious to the dangers of my own behavior. When my behavior was, in fact, less dangerous. So yes, this post might very well be coming from a place rooted in jealousy. Yes, probably. ☺️

So here’s the thing. The dear darling husband who I very much adore for a multitude of reasons, describes himself as someone who has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards alcohol. He says – oh if I had to give it up, it wouldn’t bother me at all. He has even gone so far as to compare alcohol to sugar and say giving up sweets would be much more difficult.

Yeah… . Bullshit.

Actually, up until recently I’ve nodded along in agreement when he says these things. After all, he honestly doesn’t drink most of the time, and since I’ve quit, he has drunk even less. A weekend without beer is the norm for him, not even to be noticed or mentioned.

But. Here’s the thing. There’s a big difference between choosing to keep alcohol in the background, allowing it just a minor role in your life, compared to giving it up completely, indefinitely, for the duration, no matter what. Big difference.

Here are a few things I have noticed:

The night when we left a party to go home and the husband asked me to stop at the liquor store on the way so that he could buy beer. So that he could drink more at home. With the teetotaler wife and underage kids. Because he had it in his system at that point and was wanting more.

Yep. Alcohol is addictive. To everyone.

Then there was the more recent event of starting a diet – goal set to lose thirty pounds. Awesome! He gave up soda completely and cut out desserts as well. Amazing! Then the weekend came around, up north with the guys, and everyone wanted to drink into the night, and so he did too. I was oh so sweet 🙄 enough to point out the calories, but it made no difference.

I’m sure he didn’t want to be that guy – the one who drinks water, or the one who goes to bed early. Yeah. I know the feeling.

And now it is summer and beer seems to, at least potentially, go with everything – sunshine, sunsets, boating, fishing, campfires, grilling, you name it. He still drinks much less than most, but he still drinks. Because people expect him to, it seems fun in the moment, and he likes the taste. Uh huh. He complains about being tired from afternoon beers but drinks them anyway.

So it looks to me like drinking is easy to give up… except when there’s peer pressure… or if you’ve already had a couple of drinks… or if it’s summer… or a holiday… or the sun is shining. Well yeah, if that’s what it means to say you can take it or leave it, then me too! Hah.

Of course, to be fair, he obviously isn’t trying to give it up. And he likely will never get to the place of needing to quit. And that’s all well and good. But, I can’t help but wonder, would it really be that easy for him to just give it up? It sure doesn’t look that way to me.

No worries. I’m only just a tiny bit bitter. 😉

Happy Sober Saturday,

jen

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “Day 193: let’s call bullshit, shall we?

  1. I’ve noticed bloggers don’t often write about jealousy. I’ve wondered, sometimes, if I’m the only one who sometimes has this gremlin sitting on her shoulder. It’s made me feel petty and small.
    I don’t want to drink anymore. I am grateful I left it behind. I feel so much better in so many ways that I have.
    I also, sometimes, feel jealous that my adult daughter – who was my favorite wine drinking companion – still enjoys a drink sometimes. I feel lonely and left behind. And really infantile and small and ashamed when I feel this way.
    I started my drinking career as a young teen-ager and at times I fear my development is stuck there. But I think that, really, it’s just that adjusting to this new way of being takes time and emotional practice.
    The jealous times are much further between now than they were early on (thank the gods!), but I hope the mini tantrums in my head go away completely one day. 🙂

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    1. Me too on the tantrums. I have others maybe I should write about too. But that idea that our emotional growth was completely stunted by alcohol is a myth in my opinion. I think jealousy is natural when we give something up, and a bunch of shame around it doesn’t help anyone. Cut yourself some slack please? ☺️

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      1. I know, in my bones, you are right on the button here. Thanks for the supportive message. I, too, believe stunted emotional growth is a destructive myth that just makes us feel worse about our past. I also don’t believe I wasn’t growing and changing and learning when I was drinking. I wasn’t in a vacuum or in stasis or stupid or incapable then. I refuse to give alcohol any more power than any other “stuff” in my life. I get to choose my response to all the things in my life, then and now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Plus, if that myth were true, most adults where I live would have the emotional intelligence of teenagers. And I’m pretty sure they aren’t that bad. 😉

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  2. My husband and I are both sober. I honestly don’t think we could have done it any other way. We were both go hard or go homers.
    There is a lot of peace in knowing neither of us drink. I never feel left out, because I always have craig. It’s changed our whole life.

    Booze is a complicated thing….
    Hugs
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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