Day 259: patient turtle evolves

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Today I listened to one of Belle’s podcasts, a coaching call with a woman who was just eleven days sober. It was almost eerie, like listening to a ghost of my former self.

She spoke about being very happy but also very sad. And I knew exactly what she meant. I remember.

She spoke of her fears about her relationship with her husband. Yeah. And I wanted to tell her to be patient and just wait and see.

(I’m only now, at over eight months sober, seeing a glimpse of how my sober life (with a non-sober husband) will impact my marriage in the long term. It’s a big change after nearly twenty years of a drinking marriage. But I believe it’s really going to be ok.  And the fears I had before were based in a lack of confidence in myself and “us” and a lack of surety about my own self worth. The longer I’m sober, the more these areas of my life seem to improve.)

They spoke about friends too and Belle said – your friends either love you or they don’t. And I felt myself letting go of some of my ongoing angst in that area.

“He won’t love me anymore.”

”They won’t want to hang out with me.”

”I won’t have fun.”

”Life will be boring.”

If everyone worries about these things… and it turns out that none of them are true… if it turns out that the crazy fears eventually fade away… if it turns out that those fears were actually just The Voice trying to creep back in with reasons to drink… then that is why we have to keep going.

Remember when sober Fridays sucked? No more.

Remember craving wine towards the end of every evening meal? No more of that either.

Remember thinking you’d never be able to get to sleep sober? Hah!

What’s next? Only one way to find out.

Patience. Belle said – there’s no rush because you’re going to be sober for a long time.

So true.

Happy Sober Tuesday,

jen

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Day 259: patient turtle evolves

  1. Jen-I’ve been reading your posts daily since before Christmas. I too, have had a few starts and stops on the drinking. Seriously, I’ve been concerned about my wine consumption for 5 years now. Moderation is exhausting. And while I may be only 17 days AF, this time it is for GOOD. And it feels good and calming. You have been a daily reminder for me that life will be ok on “the other side” and I wanted to thank you deeply. Your post today struck me about having a spouse who continues to drink. Daily. I have wondered how our relationship will be with a non-drinker in the house but I suspect it will be ok. It wasn’t going so well when I DID drink often our conversations would end up in disagreements. And maybe, just maybe I will inspire him to quit someday as well. Have a great day. ~Beth

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! It’s amazing to know you’ve been reading all this time. I think about the husband issue a lot. Husbands who drink can make things tricky but maybe his role in your life is important in other areas but not in quitting drinking. Maybe quitting drinking is ours to do for ourselves. And then we feel powerful and get to keep all the credit too. 😊 Happy day 17 to you. You have momentum!

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  2. yes…. every day I get to open a new gift who is a new sober version of me. only one way to find out who those next me’s are. even when a day feels weird and sober-bumpy, it’s a new morphing me. (not to make this all about me or anything. HA!) thanks for spelling these things out, and I’m really glad for you that you feel that this new version of your marriage will be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

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