Today I listened to one of Belle’s podcasts, a coaching call with a woman who was just eleven days sober. It was almost eerie, like listening to a ghost of my former self.
She spoke about being very happy but also very sad. And I knew exactly what she meant. I remember.
She spoke of her fears about her relationship with her husband. Yeah. And I wanted to tell her to be patient and just wait and see.
(I’m only now, at over eight months sober, seeing a glimpse of how my sober life (with a non-sober husband) will impact my marriage in the long term. It’s a big change after nearly twenty years of a drinking marriage. But I believe it’s really going to be ok. And the fears I had before were based in a lack of confidence in myself and “us” and a lack of surety about my own self worth. The longer I’m sober, the more these areas of my life seem to improve.)
They spoke about friends too and Belle said – your friends either love you or they don’t. And I felt myself letting go of some of my ongoing angst in that area.
“He won’t love me anymore.”
”They won’t want to hang out with me.”
”I won’t have fun.”
”Life will be boring.”
If everyone worries about these things… and it turns out that none of them are true… if it turns out that the crazy fears eventually fade away… if it turns out that those fears were actually just The Voice trying to creep back in with reasons to drink… then that is why we have to keep going.
Remember when sober Fridays sucked? No more.
Remember craving wine towards the end of every evening meal? No more of that either.
Remember thinking you’d never be able to get to sleep sober? Hah!
What’s next? Only one way to find out.
Patience. Belle said – there’s no rush because you’re going to be sober for a long time.
Happy Sober Tuesday,