I wrote a very negative email to sober coach Belle today. I’m going to share some of it here for the sake of transparency and to confirm that even after a few months sober, the struggle can be pretty rough sometimes. But bringing the negativity into the light helps.
I’m going to confess to wanting to drink. Why? Well because I don’t particularly enjoy my life. It’s boring. Flat.
And I don’t want to socialize. Because, why? I don’t like anyone all that much.
I just want a break from the sameness.
Did I mention it’s snowing? Yes. It is. A blizzard. In April. A for real blizzard. So maybe it’s that. Maybe I want to hibernate in the house with a bottle of wine.
My brother in law and sister in law were apparently up until 130am last night drinking with their neighbors. Makes drinking seem like a good idea.
Why not? What’s the point of any of this really?
Wow. This is pretty bad.
Maybe it’s just a bad day. Maybe it’s a larger more problematic problem. You see, I can’t seem to get traction with the new life thing. Can’t get an exercise routine going. Never have been able to honestly. Can’t get excited about a house project I’m working on because I’m not happy with some of what I’ve already done. Work is boring.
And the weather is terrible. I asked my husband if the weather makes him want to drink and he said no.
So I won’t drink and he won’t either.
I had just woken up from a nap after a stressful afternoon and was feeling groggy and obviously a bit depressed. I think sometimes when I’m feeling bad (tired, hungry, PMS), I look around at the things that are bothering me and exaggerate their severity until everything is terrible, a disaster, etc.
And now here I am less than two hours later feeling much better.
After I wrote out my terrible thoughts, I read the timely comment from Anne on yesterday’s post, had a satisfying meal, and started planning my dessert.
This is why it’s important not to make rash decisions that might be regrettable later on. Emotions are temporary and not always based in reality.
All is well. I don’t actually hate hate my life and everyone in it. 😊